My love for yoga originated well before becoming a parent. Initially I invited yoga into my life as an extension of my meditation practice and because of my love for movement. It wasn’t until I had our first daughter in 2002 that yoga became a safe place for me to cope with the challenges of parenting a child diagnosed with ASD. Yoga held me and comforted me, allowed me to be present in the moment and even when I was in an internal state of chaos I felt yoga’s gentle guidance every time I stepped on the mat.
As our daughter grew so did the challenges, with the first symptom of ASD being severe constipation. Doctors wanted us to give her laxatives but we went with natural remedies and so I found myself cleansing her chakras, Reiki massaging her stomach, playing calming meditative music, and by the age of two we were racing to the mat to perfect our downward dog together. At the age of four our daughter began to retreat into an imaginary world of her own where she fixated on fairytales and Barbie movies, and she quite happily played on her own. Initially at school she managed to blend in, particularly because she was quiet, the model student really, and this continued for most of her life. She wore an invisible mask to school or at least in the classroom and at home it came off. Navigating school environments was extremely difficult for our daughter and reading social cues became an exhausting task for her. This lead to further withdrawal and angry outbursts at home.
At the age of eight we enrolled her in her first yoga course with children her own age and she would come home and pretend to be a yoga teacher whilst I was the student. This was the first activity outside of the home that she eagerly participated in with enjoyment. She has always liked non-verbal, repetitive type activities, and so yoga ended up being a perfect place for her to find respite from the world around her. At around eleven the added pressures of puberty hit and at fourteen we almost had her admitted for fear of losing her to suicide. Although our daughter withdrew from everything in her life apart from breathing I continued to practice yoga on and off the mat whilst she relied on meditative breathing practices to help her manage.
Yoga had woven its way into our lives without us even noticing, always there to hold us, to offer room for me to deeply contemplate my part in her life so that I could create a safe container for her to be held in her despair. Yoga also held space so that I could be present in our youngest daughters life who is four years younger than her sister. As an innocent bystander who helplessly felt her sisters emotional suffering yoga helped her find some sense of relief through possibly the darkest yet most triumphant moments of our lives. Now in this present moment our eldest born who is 20 has returned to her mat and her health and wellbeing is better than ever. Her sister, now sixteen continues to practice yoga with me and they have both excelled in the field of dance and martial arts – All thanks to Yoga providing us with a safe place for coping with ASD.
Big Love, Nicole x
